you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
