Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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