I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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