i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
