went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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