Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
