Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
