part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sarcasm needs its own font
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
