i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
