i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
