I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
