My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
