She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
