After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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