He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
