did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
