She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
