I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
