Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
