I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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