'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my being single is dangerous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
