Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
