i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
