I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize