32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
