No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
