grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
