maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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