i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
handjob tips. give me some.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
