I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
