Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
