Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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