Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
