what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
