I wish life had little blips of pornography
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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