i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
