She's JV to your varsity
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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