If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
