i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
