When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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