I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
