i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
