Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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