Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
