im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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