It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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