My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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