I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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