First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
