I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize