You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
