Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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