What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
