I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
