singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
