just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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