I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's never too late to be topless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
