I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did I show you my penis last night?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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