did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
