i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
