Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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