why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
