I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
