I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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