Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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