I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
