Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
