after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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