U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
