Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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