are you so shy because you have an std?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
