it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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