I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
