wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize