i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
