Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
