If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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