did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Terrible idea I love it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
