My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
