I just made out with a guy for $7.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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