How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
