I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
