Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
