She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
