If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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