Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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