I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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