am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
