the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
