So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
