I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
