Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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