Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
