I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
