so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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