I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
