She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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