last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
