i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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