we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
