Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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