Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
