yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
