You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
