Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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